The Hills: Life's Sweetest Experiences-- Kangaroo Care

Kangaroo Care with Skyler

My first three times doing Kangaroo Care

Feb. 22, 24, 28

When Skyler was five weeks old, I got to hold him against my skin for the first time. As soon as he settled in on my chest, he fell fast asleep. The nurses have you wear a hospital gown and set him inside. He's only wearing a diaper so they put blankets on top of him. He did so well his first time that the nurse let me hold him for two whole hours. Oh, I loved it; It was such a special and intimate moment between the two of us. The nurses said it's comforting for him to hear my heart beat and be close to my skin. I was able to really comfort him for the first time-- not just stick my hands in the incubator for a few minutes. The time went by so fast; when the nurse told me it had been two hours, I could hardly believe it.

I would have been able to enjoy the moment even more if I hadn't been so concerned with watching his oxygen and heart rate blinking on the monitor. It would beep if he dropped below a certain point or get too high. I knew if he wasn't oxygenating well, then the nurse would have to put him back early. But that didn't happen, and it's one of the sweetest experiences I have ever had.

After the third or fourth time holding him, I was able to look away from the monitors-- for the most part--and soak in the moment. Again, he fell fast asleep as soon as he hit my chest. It was so fulfilling--so gratifying. I was holding my baby--the baby that doctors, nurses, and everyone worried wouldn't survive, or would have serious complications. But here he was, lying on my chest and doing fine.

The first time I did it, I left the hospital aching for more. I didn't want to be ungrateful, it just felt like getting a small taste of a great dessert when what you really want is the whole thing. But by the third time I felt fulfilled--full. It was the one thing (besides breast milk) that I could do for him that the nurses couldn't.

The thing that surprised me the most about holding him was how light he felt on my body. At that time, he was about 1 lbs 13 oz.--and when that's spread across your chest, it practically feels like nothing. Try putting a few sticks of butter on you, and you will know what I mean. I couldn't tell how his legs were positioned under the blanket after a minute because I couldn't feel them. Was that the blanket or the cords or his legs? I had played Kangaroo Care out in my mind many times, and I pictured feeling him warm and heavy against my chest-- just like a regular baby but a little lighter. I've held for a minute or two before, but in a different way. He was wrapped it a lot of blankets then or still in his incubator.You think I would have expected him to be so light by now, but I guess knowing something and experiencing it are two different things.

A long time in coming

It felt like a long time building up to Kangaroo Care. The day Skyler had heart surgery, one of the nurses told me he could probably do Kangaroo Care a couple days later because he was recovering so well. Three days after that, I came in bright and early, excited to hold him. But when I walked in, the nurse told me I couldn't; she said she thought he needed a couple more days. Two days later, I came in and different nurse said no again; they had weaned him down on his oxygen settings, and he could't have too much activity in one day. Two days after that, I woke up with a sore throat and couldn't go in to the hospital for two more days. Two days after that, I called in and told the nurse I was doing Kangaroo Care today, instead of asking her if could, in hopes that it would increase my chances. I did my best to assume the sale instead of asking for it. Well, it all worked out and I got to hold him that day!

We did have a couple scares doing Kangaroo Care. He got so comfy a few times that he stopped breathing. They had to give him breaths on the machine one time. I was sure grateful to be at the hospital at that moment.

One thing I have learned from this experience is how precious life is. I can't believe I have been so close to someone who's dealt with life and death experiences on a daily basis. This is definitely one of the hardest experiences I have ever gone through, but it has also been one-- if not the-- happiest times of my life. Every-day-life seems so much sweeter now, and trivial things aren't as important anymore.

"The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. "

"If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life’s sweetest experiences."

Forget Me Not-- Dieter f. Uchtdorf, General Conference 2011

I love reading this talk because it's a great reminder of who I should be and what I should be doing in my life.